Hey guys, Sarah here with her emotional baggage as usual. Sorry my posts seem really down and shit, but whatever.
Just thought I’d share my thoughts today (and it is book-related I promise). I just had to say goodbye to the last of my friends that are leaving for college (I’m still in high school) and I went through a whirlwind of emotions. I’ll admit it, I cried. And I wanted to continue crying, but I didn’t wanna be bawling my eyes out tonight.
You know those times when the character has to decide whether to look behind them or to keep on trucking? I finally understand that feel. But I looked behind and watched my friend pull out of the driveway because I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.
And then I realized it. He was the last to leave. There would be no more moves, at least not with any of them. It wouldn’t be the same. Even if I hung out with new people or shit, it wouldn’t be the same. I’d miss them too much.
I wouldn’t have my movie squad.
I wouldn’t have my Netflix and chill at my house squad.
I wouldn’t even have my squad anymore.
I’ll share another personal story here. Back when I was in (7th grade? Yeah I know cliche worst time in everyone’s life) this kid, Imma call him C, told me “You’re obsessed with the older kids. Like it’s weird. You know, the only reason they’re you’re friends is because of so-and-so (I had a relative two years older than me) and without them you wouldn’t have any friends.” And I didn’t really think much of what he said until one of my friends (in my grade) was invited to his birthday right in front of me when we were freshmen. I didn’t even wanna go anyway, but a lot of my in-grade friends went.
So my friends (they were juniors at the time) were like “Let’s go see a movie.” So of course I went. And all I thought about was what C said two years ago. Yeah. It stuck. And then he and his whole birthday group showed up at the theater. I hid in the bathroom until I thought they finished, crying. But they were paying and I hid amongst my friends. And then C had the nerve to come up to some of them and act all buddy-buddy with them (after he left they told me how annoying and stupid they found him).
Fast forward to my sophomore year, where all my friends were pretty much seniors. I was depressed. My only close friend had abandoned me. I had to struggle with school and the fact that my support system was leaving. I dreaded the day I had to say goodbye.
While I was in Walmart earlier, I saw some Halloween stuff, and for a split second, I didn’t wanna celebrate it. (Shock like I love Halloween so much if you know me). It hit me like a train. I didn’t want to celebrate without my friends. Because no matter what I did, it wouldn’t be the same as last year, and I’d spend all day wishing it was.
It passed somewhat, but the effect was there.
I hate goodbyes so much, even if they aren’t final. “Teach em how to say goodbye” from One Last Time is still stuck in my head.
I feel like Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I might do a post on books about saying goodbye and growing up and stuff. Leave me some recommendations similar to Perks and I’ll let y’all know what I think. Idk rn I’m an emotional mess. It’ll be worse when Madelyn and Gwen leave I think. Enough of me for now tho, night y’all.