Funny Book Quotes

Hello! It’s Madelyn.

So because of the current events with the election and the things following, things are kind of bleak. Well, at least for me on a lot of my social media feeds. I’m scared to switch back over to my personal account on Instagram. I’m staying on Bookstagram because the book world is the fun world. And I’ve been posting funny but not so funny jokes on my Facebook to try to add some light to someone’s newsfeed.

But here, I’m going to compile a list of quotes from books that have made me laugh! There may be tiny spoilers because I’m going to cite who said it from what book and it might reveal something but it might not…so don’t think too hard about it if you’re reading through this. I’m trying to pick some that don’t reveal major spoilers!

Here we go! And I have the characters listed in the order they speak if the quote didn’t already indicate who was talking.

“We have to be back in three hours,” Ronan said. “I just fed Chainsaw but she’ll need it again.”

“This, ” Gansey replied “is precisely why I didn’t want to have a baby with you.”

The Raven Boys, Maggie Stiefvater

 

“Yeah, bro.” Kenji puts his utensils down. “You are moody. It’s always ‘Shut up, Kenji.’ ‘Go to sleep, Kenji.’ ‘No one wants to see you naked, Kenji.’ When I know for a fact that there are thousands of people who would love to see me naked—” (Kenji)

Unravel Me, Tahereh Mafi

 

“I never kid about my warrior demigod status.”
“Oh. My. God.” I lower my voice, having forgotten to whisper. “You are nothing but a bird with an attitude. Okay, so you have a few muscles, I’ll grant you that. But you know, a bird is nothing but a barely evolved lizard. That’s what you are.” (Raffe and Penryn)

Angelfall, Susan Ee

 

“Here I’ll show you how to use it. Let me see your foot.”

“That’s a pretty intimate demand in the angel world. It usually takes some dinner, some wine, and sparkling conversation for me to give up my feet.” (Penryn and Raffe)

Angelfall, Susan Ee

 

Dockson raised an eyebrow. “How do you ‘accidentally’ kill a noblemen in his own mansion?”

“With a knife in the chest,” Kelsier said lightly. “Or, rather, a pair of knives in the chest—it always pays to be careful.”

Mistborn: The Final Empire, Brandon Sanderson

 

“How do you do that?” Mennis asked, frowning.

“What?”

“Smile so much.”

“Oh, I’m just a happy person.” (Mennis and Kelsier)

Mistborn: The Final Empire, Brandon Sanderson

Ok, the one above probably isn’t as funny but it made me smile because Kelsier is such a happy person.

“It’s not charity,” I snap. “He cares about me–and I care about him!”

Warner nods, unimpressed. “You should get a dog, love. I hear they share much the same qualities.” (Juliette and Warner)

Ignite Me, Tahereh Mafi

Buuurrrnn. Dang Warner. Dang.

“I am going to MURDER YOU—”
“No,” he says, pointing at me as he shifts backward again. “Bad Juliette. You don’t like to kill people, remember? You’re against that, remember? You like to talk about feelings and rainbows—” (Juliette and Kenji)

Ignite Me, Tahereh Mafi

 

“Kaz leaned back. “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?”
“Knife to the throat?” asked Inej.
“Gun to the back?” said Jesper.
“Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina.
“You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.”

Six of Crows, Leigh Bardugo

 

“We came to see Jace. Is he alright?”
“I don’t know,” Magnus said. “Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?” (Clary and Magnus. I’m not actually sure if Clary was the one who said that. Someone fact-check me! I’m getting these from quotes I saved on Goodreads.)

City of Ashes, Cassandra Clare

 

“Please—please get up—and lower your voice—”
“Hell no.”
“Why not?” I’m pleading now.
“Because if I lower my voice, I won’t be able to hear myself speak. And that,” he says, “is my favorite part.” (Juliette and Kenji)

Unravel Me, Tahereh Mafi

 

“That’s because you’re not fragile,” Kenji says. “If anything, everyone needs to protect themselves from you. You’re like a freaking beast,” he says. Then adds, “I mean, you know—like, a cute beast. A little beast that tears shit up and breaks the earth and sucks the life out of people.” (Kenji)

Ignite Me, Tahereh Mafi

 

“Amren and Mor told me that the span of an Illyrian male’s wings says a lot about the size of…other parts.”

“Did they now.”

“They also said Azriel’s wings are the biggest.”

“When we return home, let’s get out the measuring stick, shall we?” (Feyre and Rhysand)

A Court of Mist and Fury, Sarah J. Maas

 

This was all that was in my saved quotes on Goodreads and also what came to mind for some funny parts that made my day when I was reading these books. You might’ve noticed that a majority of these were Kenji from the Shatter Me Series. That’s because I think he’s the most hilarious character ever…in my heart.

Which one of these quotes did you find the most hilarious? If they weren’t funny enough for you (because you probably have a better sense of humor than me) then what is a book quote that just had you laughing your butt off?

Bye!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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