When you thought NaNo was going great because you were over the word count for like the first three days and then BAM – nothing.
I really don’t know what happened and I’m not going to try and bullshit an excuse. I have been at 5000 something words for a while now, and I know trying to Hail Mary it to 50000 words isn’t going to do anything for me. When writing slumps happen, I generally switch to my other stories.
Not this time.
I have been avoiding the issue – I know what it is – for a very long time. I didn’t – and still don’t – know what to write from. I went from first person, made the executive decision to switch to third person, and now am back to thinking it needs to be written in first person.
Don’t get me wrong, the change to third person did a lot for the writing. I was able to decently get 30 something pages written. I didn’t like a lot of it. But I was told this month is little else but a way to get stuff written and to edit later. But I was so stressed about this I just shut down and stopped writing entirely. I avoided writing certain things because I knew they would be better in first person vs third and vice versa. I mean, what kind of book does that? Just switch from one to the other.
I know its not a novel idea; its been done before. By Faulkner, King, and even Patterson. But I’m not them. I’m just a 17 year old girl who likes to read and how could I ever hope to be one of them. I love telling my stories, but at the moment I just want to cry. Something I love shouldn’t stress me out this much. And I know its rooted somewhere in my fear of failure, fear of writing badly. Fear paralyzes you in ways you wouldn’t imagine. And I still don’t know what to do. And I know there’s bigger problems in the world, and I’m making mountains out of molehills, but honestly, I’m tired of being told my problems aren’t valid. So fuck off and get off my blog if it bothers you so damn much.